August 9, 2017

I hear sometimes about people who have negative experiences with AA meetings, whether due to feeling that they don’t belong or that they maybe weren’t “alcoholic enough” to qualify. That makes me really sad. While I can’t say I’ve loved every single meeting I’ve been to, I’ve not been to one that wasn’t marked with profound gratitude and acceptance of life in all its messy glory.

After my first meeting, I was talking with a guy who told me a little bit of his story. He looked steadily at me and said “all of us have been in some version of what you are in now, and if you are ready to do whatever it takes, you can have what we have now.” I couldn’t meet his gaze at the time. There was a strength and power behind his eyes that I was ashamed to not understand. His eyes looked like granite, like he was a thousand years old, with a quiet confidence that made everything I’d looked for in all the years of trying to swagger through life look like paper maché.

Four months in, and I feel my soul solidifying like that granite, with an internal stability and strength that I’ve only seen glimpses of in other people. It’s good. Really good. Thankful to God for all of it.